Tuesday, March 13, 2012

The Way Men Think (and Colin Firth)

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what Martha?" 

 "What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. 

 "I'm beginning to think you're bad luck."

Ok, so I stole this from an e-mail joke I received, BUT, it is both scary and true.  Men do think differently than women.  Not an earth shattering revelation, especially to anyone who's been married more than five minutes (living together doesn't count - trust me on this)

There are 10 big differences between Men's and Women's brains, according toMasters of Healthcare.  I'll only give you  nine because I will more than likely lose interest around #8.

#1 - Human Relationships - Women tend to communicate better than men, (and more often, according to my husband) share their emotions more freely, we read non-verbal cues better (such as, say, the man of the house going for the paper and not returning for twenty years).   I was sharing some emotions with Richie just the other night, or trying to, when he excused himself.  The lock on his bathroom door was way too secure for me to get the crowbar wedged inside.

#2 - Left brain vs. both hemispheres - Men tend to utilize only their left brain hemisphere while women can move freely between both.  On one hand it could be the right side of men's brains are too cluttered with socks and fast food wrappers for them to venture there.  On the other hand, perhaps they can't find it and refuse to ask directions.  On the other hand (think of me as an Indian Goddess with lots of arms, like Kali) perhaps we women just can't decide which hemisphere makes our butts look smaller.  You never know do you?

#3 - Mathematical abilities - Well, that's just cruel.

#4 - Reaction to Stress - Men have the "fight or flight" reaction to stressful situations (refer back to #1 where our hero goes out for cigarettes and returns with a beard and flyers from his trip to Bermuda)  According to this article women "tend to befriend."  That's going a bit far for the sake of rhyming psychiatry.  How about "stop to shop" or "phone and moan" or "shoot to kill".  Now we're talking.

#5 - Language - Two sections in the brain with regard to language were larger for women than for men.  Surprised.  Hardly.  Surprised it was only two.  There you go.

#6 - Emotions - Don't even go there.  Did you roll your eyes just now?

#7 - Brain size - Now this is hard to believe.  Men's brains are actually larger than women's brains.  I personally just think it's their heads that are bigger.

#8 - Pain - Women require more morphine than men to reach the same level of pain reduction.  (I prefer botox injections myself)  It also says women tend to vocalize pain more than men.  (This person was obviously at my last Brazilian waxing appointment)  It says that the placement of the amygdala (I blush) - seriously, I don't know what that is either - in the woman's brain makes her feel pain more.  Really?  Then I say we make a motion that men have the babies.  All in favor raise your hand.  Unanimous.  Passed.

#9 - Don't care

#10 - Susceptibility to disorders - men have more disorders when it comes to comprehensive language ability, women get depressed.

Yet, somehow, everything levels out occasionally.

Or, in the words of the wonderful Susan Sarandon in Bull Durham, 1988
" a guy will listen to anything if he thinks it's foreplay."

No comments: