Saturday, March 30, 2013

The Crazy Lady of Sts. Peter and Paul Church...and Colin Firth

Not Richie and me and our two dogs

Every day my husband and I take our two dogs, Darcy and Alfie, for a walk at our church.  Our church has beautiful grounds, probably four or five acres of ponds, fountains and woods - it's like a park.  People bring their dogs there to walk every day, or they ride their bikes through the grounds.  There are three buildings - one church, one activities center and one I don't know what it is building, but it's nice.  There is also a wooded private area where four retired priests live.  Our dogs love it there and if we time it right we don't meet the pastor walking his dog, a very possessive little dachshund.  The dog, not the pastor.  The caretaker has told us there are even coyotes in the small wooded area north of the priests' retirement area.  It is heaven.

Michigan Retirees - last year's Christmas celebration.

Or it was until today.  We were walking by the church, and we stopped to see what time the vigil service is this evening.  The Catholic Easter Vigil can be very long - never less than two hours - so it's usually a pretty sparse crowd.  That's the service we always attend for Easter.  I don't like Sunday mass, being pushed into a pew between one Michigan retiree and another Michigan retiree.  However, this is Florida, I have learned to adapt.

Easter Vigil

So, I went to the sign to double check the time of the vigil, then I wondered if they had the cross on the altar.   At our church in Chicago the cross was left on the altar after the Good Friday service and you could visit on Holy Saturday.  I went up to the church - I still was holding the leash of my dog, Darcy - and tried the doors.  They were locked, so I suppose they don't have the Saturday tradition here.  I turned around to see two cars at the beginning of the circular drive before the church, sitting there watching me.  Being among all these old people you see a lot of strange car maneuverings - driving on sidewalks, parking four feet from the curb... you never know.  So finally one of the cars drove by me, then the second.  I waved at the second car, like an idiot, thinking that if they were snowbirds they may need some information.  All I got was an angry head shake and they drove on.

Curious.  Rich and I continued walking the dogs, around the second building, then around the third building.  Everything was gloriously beautiful.

Coyote in disguise

That was when Harriet Hateful pulled up next to me, besides the woods with the coyotes, next to the retirement homes where the pastor and his dog Bella live.  She jumped out of her car and began screaming at me.

Actual photo of the woman taken with my cell phone.  Honest.

"I saw you walk your dog up to the church and let it pee on the ground there and people will be there for services and it will stink and that was the most disgusting thing in the world and I have never been so shocked..."  yadda yadda yadda.  I was really surprised.  I don't really think Darcy peed up by the door.  She'd peed all over the park before and if you know dogs they just keep trying to get more out to mark a territory, but I don't think she even had time to do that.  What in the hell was this woman talking about?

Why are so many people so angry all the time?  I tried to tell her that I didn't usually just walk up to the church with my dog, I was just trying the door, but she just kept on screaming.  And I mean screaming!  I said, "Don't be ridiculous.  The pastor walks his dogs here, too.  Lots of dogs walk here.  There are wild coyotes here."  When she wouldn't listen I walked away and she continued screaming at Richie - my Richie who is perhaps the kindest, gentlest man in the entire world.

The voices in my head were pretty angry

She told him it was sacrilegious to walk dogs there - it was holy ground, and that she wasn't even a Catholic and she had more respect than he did.  She is REALLY lucky I didn't hear her say a word against my husband.  I mean REALLY lucky.

He stayed calm and said, "well, if you'll just point out to me where the holy ground ends and regular grounds begin, we'll keep to that area."  That really set her off.

Well, eventually she got tired I supposed and drove off in a huff, but I can't help wonder what motivates people to judge others like that?  She doesn't know us, doesn't know my husband volunteers with a Literacy Program for the poor, or that he is a Big Brother.  She just went off.  Spoiled my afternoon completely.

I will need a lot of chocolate Easter Sunday to ever feel really whole again.

Any excuse to put a picture of Colin up.

Happy Easter

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hlls and Gerard Butler

I have to talk about my favorite show, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills!  These are my girls, god love them and tonight was the last episode - always a trying time for me.  Let me get a carton of wine first.

Ok.  Again, who is Faye Resnick?  Does anyone know?  Is there a grotesque, aging portrait in her attic because she looks exactly the same now as she did seventy-five years ago during the OJ trial.  That's just not human.  She materialized - again - in tonight's episode, following Brandi Glanville around - again - and talking like a deranged person - again.  "You are no lady.  You cause trouble.  You are vicious.  Klaatu barada nikto."    All in this monotone voice that sounds like she should be announcing train schedules.   Very creepy.  She's like a Disney mannequin gone to the dark side, and SHE DOESN'T BLINK.  I don't think she's real - I believe she's a digital creation like Shrek.   My biggest fear is that Bravo has been trying her out for Season 4 - they need housewives since they're down one with Adrienne Maloof getting sacked (thank the lord).

Aside to Bravo Station- DON'T DO IT!  NO ONE WANTS HER!

I have an idea.  Bring back new bachelor Paul Nassif.  That would be fun - Paul was a hoot.  Maybe fix him up with Brandi next year - or Kim.  I'd pay the see that.  Or have Andy Cohen be the next housewife!  This series desperately needs a gay couple - just to show the other women how to dress.

Well, this Faye object starts to diss, in that god-awful monotone voice, her hostess, Lisa.  The thing is, it was at Lisa's house and at Lisa's party!  Who does this kind of thing? Was she raised by wolves or something?  And why didn't Lisa toss her out on her big fat rubber ass?  Faye is a Transformer and will one day unfold into something huge and metallic.  Oh, wait.  She already has.  Never mind.

Then who shows up to try and grasp a final few minutes of fame - Adrienne Maloof (Paul's now ex-wife)!  That woman has a set, doesn't she?  She arrives with a bad wig on, sobbing her heart out while facing the camera about how she is losing her kids or something in the divorce.  I couldn't understand a word, really.   And she didn't bother to find Lisa, just bitched in her talking head segment that Lisa should have come and found her - she was too distraught to go into the party.  Who goes to someone's house especially to (one) rob the spotlight from the couple whose party you just crashed; and, (two) be in front of cameras when your life is falling apart?  Very strange people.

Then there was Taylor Armstrong...being Taylor Armstrong.

And Yolanda Foster, here with her creepy husband, Paul I think is his name.  He writes songs that he won't let anyone sing without his prior approval.   Finally starting to like Yolanda - hope she returns and starts to drink a little.

We had the obligatory Kyle vs. Kim smack down.  Kyle is upset that Brandi 'hurt' Adrienne (BTW, the big secret that started all the fuss this season was that Adrienne had her twins through surrogacy), but can't understand why her sister is 'hurt' that Kyle isn't upset about when Brandi 'hurt' Kim  (BTW Brandi 'hurt' Kim by saying she was an addict.  Kim has since survived rehab).

I hate this part of the show.  It is so sad to see Kim desperately try to get her sister Kyle to give a shit about her.  I know how she feels with some of my relatives. VERY glad I have a brother.

Then there was an obviously scripted bit in Lisa's bedroom with Brandi coming in to tell Lisa to man up and not let the crazies (read Faye and Kyle) get her down.  I mean, really, Lisa - Ken is a doll and you were going to disappoint him because of the twin Krakens, Kyle and Faye?  Not for a minute did I believe that.   Well,  Lisa teared up and Brandi teared up and I teared up. I loved it.

Except for the hokey heart shaped flower thing Ken and Lisa stood in front of for their vow renewal.  (Amazing that women with SO much money have no taste whatsoever!)

The 30 year vow renewal was very moving, had me actually crying and even my husband was sniffling.  I really like Lisa's husband Ken, and I like their British humor and the fact that they were both so stiff upper lip there in front of everyone, said their vows and then shoved cake in each other's face.  Just like a normal couple.

Of course, the very best thing this season, as in all previous seasons, is Lisa's dog, Jiggy (he's always in Ken's arms - love a guy who loves dogs).  I want that dog.  And what about Gerard Butler!!!  Finally acknowledging that he had sex with Brandi in a random hook-up at a beach party when she was lost and vulnerable and freshly hurting from losing her husband to that tramp Leanne Rymes.  Now that Brandi is getting famous - Gerard remembers her!  God bless him.  He even admits know that he knows Jiggy!

Can't wait till next season.  Coming up - THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ORANGE COUNTY.