Monday, January 14, 2013


(especially when kilts were involved)

Sean Connery

Gerard Butler

Alan Rickman

don't know don't care

Richard Armitage

Ewan McGregor

Alan Cummings

Tom Hiddleston

Billy Connolly

Liam Neeson

David Tennant

Fifty Shades of Plaid

St. Patrick's Day in Chicago

Keifer Sutherland and MR BIG



1.  If a child is kidnapped within a story on a TV show, don't ever worry.  They never get killed or molested, and they are always returned at the end.

2.  If you see a cross, more specifically a crucifix, on the wall of a bedroom, they are a Spanish or Mexican family.  If you see a cross or a crucifix in the living room, they are bigots, serial killers or insane.  A cross has become Television shorthand for the mentally unbalanced, or Latinos.

3.  A woman in a television show will NEVER get an abortion.  The liberal Hollywood script writer (I am a bleeding heart liberal myself so don't start screaming at me) will make certain that everyone is told it is a woman's right to have an abortion, it is her body, 
yada yada yada
but they never actually write an abortion into the script.  Which is fine with me, I don't want to see someone get an abortion either.

4.  Movies on cable are now much better than movies in the theater.

5.  The best friend of the frightened woman is always guilty of having an affair with the woman's husband, or she lusts after him.

6.  When the camera sneaks up behind someone's head they are going to be attacked - get prepared to scream.

7.  Only an idiot would go into the dark basement, or walk up into a dark hallway, when a light suddenly goes out.  And yet they do.


Sunday, January 13, 2013

Photoshopping, celebrities and Richard Armitage

There is nothing I enjoy better (well almost) than seeing what people look like before their publicity pictures are airbrushed to perfection.  It's a definite 'in your face moment' to see cellulite on Britney Speers or bags under Faith Hills' eyes.

She has Tim McGraw, she doesn't need to look gorgeous too.  Life doesn't work that way.  Ok, damn woman still looks gorgeous. And she's nice too.  Now I feel bad...not...

Kim Kardashian.  Slimmed down tummy and they did something with the right top leg - took away some of that scraggly top she's wearing, slimmed down her thigh.  Damn woman still looks gorgeous.  Let's find some really creepy ones....

Perfect for the creep factor - Madonna.  She always was creepy.  Unbelievable how the years just slip away with these photos, isn't it?  I love to show these to my husband when he tells me Joan Collins still looks good.  Bah!  She's preserved that's all.

Keira Knightley is perfection but was made even more perfectioner with the enhancement of her bust in the photo on the right.  Yowza, but couldn't I have used that in my twenties!  Other than the bosoms they just added a burning village and more hair.  I doubt if the bust thing was Keira's idea either - she seems pretty damn fine with the way she looks.

The art of Reverse Airbrushing never did take off with celebrities.  Here is a pretend picture of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt taken at last year's bowling banquet.  Angie won 'best hair'.  I love her Imelda Marcos shoulder pads too.

I pick on poor Angelina a lot due solely to jealousy.  She's such a lovely, delicate, refined woman...

...oops, did it again

Cameron Diaz is another star that never seems to age, is always lovely.  That's why is does a woman's heart good to see that some touch ups were needed on her picture too.

She's got a scary kind of thing going on with her right hip.  Listen I will point out any blemish I can with some of these woman!

Ok, Kim Cattrall is so air-brushed on the right as to be unrecognizable.  I thought it was a picture of Natasha Richardson at first.  I'm stlll not certain its not a photo from thirty years ago with those earrings and all...

Here we go - Britney Speers.  If I could slim down my legs like this I would be walking on my hands.  

It just goes to show that not only can't you believe everything you read, you can't believe everything you see!  

Now for the men...

I like George Clooney's grey hair, but the movie going market is younger I guess.  He's been prettied up (as if) on the left.  Either picture works for me.

Here's a famous one.  Time made O. J. Simpson darker for their cover.  This is a sad example of media manipulation.  Or maybe Newsweek made him lighter colored?  I don't remember any more.

This I don't understand at all - which is the photoshopped one?  I'm guessing it's on the right because the beard looks ridiculous.  Is he adjusting a wig?  The body hair looks real though on the right, doesn't it?  I'll just have to keep studying this for a while...

And now, the Academy Award for Best Photoshopped Picture Ever, Anywhere, Anytime - and the winner is....


Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Sex and the (Regency) City - Episode Three (Mr. Big falls in Lust)

EPISODE ONE - The Rotary Club Assembly Ball
Lizzy Bennet, sex advice columnist for the Meryton Examiner, watches in horror as her idiotic mother attempts to body check the sweet, rich, handsome, and clueless, Mr. Chuck Bingley, before he gets away, hoping he might notice one of her daughters on his way to the floor.  Meanwhile, Mr. Bingley's 1813 Olympic Synchronized Swimming Sponsor, Mr. Big, has an unfortunate encounter with the irritating Charlotte Lucas, wherein she falls repeatedly into his closed fist.

EPISODE TWO - Still at the Rotary Club Assembly Ball
Chuck Bingley suggests to his friend, Mr. Big, that he might want to dance with the 'smart' Bennet sister. ( I mean Mr. Big might want to dance, not Chuck.)  Chuck is already salivating after the stupid - I - mean - pretty sister, Jane Bennet.

Gangnam style dancing ensues.

Lydia Bennet donates her bloomers to the Regimental Benevolent Fund, Kitty Bennet pulls a chair up to the buffet table growling and hissing at anyone who approaches, Mary Bennet is clubbed to death by Reverend Collins for referring to the Maccabees as the Macadamians.  Interesting aside, Mr. Bennet has disappeared upstairs with one of the footmen and several bananas. We continue...


EPISODE THREE - The modest Bingley Meryton Time Share

Lizzy Bennet's 'Sex in the Barouch' morning column provides a detailed report of the prior evening's Rotary Club Assembly and has the mooching Bingley Bunch in a Bizzy - I mean a Tizzy - all except the eternally annoyed Mr. Big, who discovers, to his dismay, that somehow he has developed a tendre, a fascination, dare I say it, a tented pantaloon, in regard to the "smart" Bennet sister.
(I would be remiss if I did not point out, at this juncture, that being deemed 'smart' within the confines of the Bennet household is not incredibly difficult)

Chuck Bingley
Oh, I say, Big - you really must read this column; it is quite diverting.  This young woman writer person, Miss 'Wouldn't You Like to Know' claims she was at the Assembly last evening.  (Bwahahaha)  She mentions you, do you see.  Do you see, Big?  Here.  Says your feet are so large you were capable of stepping on the dancers' toes - from the foyer.  (Bwahahaha)  You were in the foyer, do you see; not the dancers, that is where the humor comes into it.  They were on the floor...

Mr. Big
I get the joke, Bingley

Chuck Bingley
How very amusing that is, what.  Because you do have dashed large feet, Big.  And that's one of the reasons we all call you Big.  Because of your hairy, large feet.  Caroline said she'd never seen toes as long as yours...wait a moment - how did she happen to see your feet...?

Mr. Big
They were on either side of her head during the traditional Hogmanay ceremony, Bingley; and, although I hate to brag, it's certainly not the only reason they call me Big.  Give me that paper and let me read this for myself.  I wonder which of those cretins wrote this...

Chuck Bingley
Oh, I know who it was. It was that perky 'smart' Bennet girl, my beloved Jane's sister - the one you said looked like a potato.  Then you said her mother had so many wrinkles she'd have to screw on her hat.  Then you said her sister had a good head on her shoulders, but it would look better on a neck.  Then you said her other sister's spends more time on her knees than the Archbishop of Canterbury.  They you said her father....

Mr. Big
Heavens, Bingley, must you keep note cards on everything I say!  Those were just random observances; surely she didn't hear any of them.  Yes, yes, all right, I do remember I was screaming them from the upper balcony, quite right.  I just never imagined she would be vengeful enough to turn on me like this.  
What a detestable woman, I believe I'm in love.  She has such fine eyes.  I love they way they cross just a bit - all right a lot...sometimes they spin in alternating directions, difficult to do, that...and then, of course, they bounce so delightfully while she dances...

Caroline Bingley
Who has such fine eyes, Big?  Certainly not that woman at the Rotary Assembly last evening - the one who kept lighting a match to my shoe?  'Fine eyes', indeed.  You think her attractive, do you?

Mr. Big
 No, of course not, Caroline, my pants always salute the ceiling like this.  It doesn't matter though.  I've seen her mother and if that's what she'll look like in, say, twenty years I'd rather join an all male gospel group.

Caroline Bingley
Well, that's good.  Because she's here.  Miss 'Fine Bouncy Eyes'.  With that revolting sister of hers - allow me to be more specific - the one approaching diabetic coma, the sweet one.  
Seems the moron has sneezed half her face off...


To be continued...