Sunday, January 29, 2012


Like wearing socks with sandals, all the real pleasures in life are denied us.



Actual call center conversations!

Customer: 'I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through;
can you help?'
Operator: 'Where did you get that number, sir?'
Customer: 'It's on the door of your business.'
Operator: 'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.'


Samsung Electronics

Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.'
Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that

I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and
telephone Jack before
cleaning. Now, can you give me the
number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.'


RAC Motoring Services

Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am
traveling in Australia ?'
Operator: 'Does the policy name give you a clue?'


Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe )
'If I register my car in France , and then take it to England ,
do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'



Directory Enquiries

Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing Are you sure that the spelling is correct?'
Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off.'


Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller: 'Yes.. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland ...' 


On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: 'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.'


Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'
Customer: 'OK.'
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No.'
Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No.'
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'
Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.'


Tech Support: 'OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can

you see the 'OK' button displayed?' 

Customer: 'Wow! How can you see my screen from there?'


Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it.
So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?'


This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This
is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department..............
Needless to
say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for 'Termination without Cause.'

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect ...'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble?'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared'
Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type..'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator?'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where
the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Opera tor: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
plugged into the wall..
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that
there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? '
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and
find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into
the back of your computer..'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is?'
Caller: 'No..'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?'
Caller: 'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark?'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is
coming in from the window.'
Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not?'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it
licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and

packing stuff that your computer came in?'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet..'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it

up just like it was when you got it.
Then take it back to
the store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!'

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills...and Colin Firth

I have gone completely crazy for The Real Housewives of...anywhere really, I love them all.  My name is Karen and I am addicted.  I'll need to attend "Housewives Anonymous" but not until I find out how Taylor is handling her husband's suicide.  And then, of course, Kim is in rehab, poor thing.  And Pandora's wedding is coming up....

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is by far my favorite.  These women are really really really rich.  Not pretend rich, like the Real Housewives of New York, but filthy stinking rich like .... a Beverly Hills Housewife. 

First of all is Lisa the English one - her last name is Huffnpuff or something.  She owns Sur Restaurant in Beverly Hills, among others, she has a home that looks like a five star resort (her closet is as big as my house) and I love her tiny dog Giggy - Is  He Adorable!   Last night he wore a Hawaiian shirt.  I always connect with dog lovers.

Adrienne Maloof is my favorite housewife.  I've never heard her say a bad word against any of the other women and she gives her husband grief for not walking the dog.  Walking the Dog!!!!????  They live across the street from Lisa and their property is possibly bigger than Lisa's (I think.  Don't tell Lisa I said that because she might get miffed.)  Adrienne owns a basketball team.  And the Palms the Las Vegas.  And maybe Seattle.

Then there is Taylor, whose husband committed suicide in August.  He looked a little peaky during most of the season to tell you the truth and her lips are like bean bags.  Botox Beauty.  (There is a comment in the Youtube video above from Kim to Taylor at the Dinner Party from Hell - "Why don't you blow up your lips some more"  Don't you love girlfriends?

A lot of time is spent on Kyle but since she's not as rich as Lisa and Adrienne I don't care about her.  No offense.  Except...her niece is Paris Hilton.  And her rehab sister Kim is dating a Bull Mastiff.

Then there is Camille Grammar, Kelsey's ex-wife.  She appears to have made out well in the divorce.

The last girl is Brandi.  Doesn't belong in the group at all, hope she's not around too much longer.

I think I could be really good friends with all of these women... if only it weren't for that pesky restraining order.  Richie and I spent New Year's Eve viewing a Real Housewives marathon - can you see how far to the dark side we've gone?  He murmured the other night that he thought he was becoming a lesbian watching all these shows. 

He loves their shoes too.

Wait until I'm on the Real Housewives of Tampa Bay.  It will center around a trailer park and a bingo hall and track which early bird buffet's are the most popular. 

Oops, I have to go now.  Mob Wives are on and Richie is trying to change the station.

Here's my favorite Colin clip this week.