My review of PERFECT NONSENSE, with Matthew Macfadyen, Stephen Mangan and Mark Handfield

For what it's worth, I'd like to voice my review of "PERFECT NONSENSE" starring Matthew Macfadyen, Mark Hadfield and Stephen Mangan.  I'd like to, but I can't.

You see Stephen Mangan was home ill with pneumonia the night of November 18 when my husband and I and a friend attended.  We had travelled four thousand miles from Florida to London to see this play.  We (read that as I) were a little disappointed.  I will give the man the benefit of the doubt.  Maybe Stephen didn't know we were coming.

Anyway, the stand-in, Edward Hancock, was very good, even though this was his very first performance as Bertie - according to what the other star, Matthew Macfadyen, said after the play, as we cornered him like a wounded stag by the stage door...but that's not till later.

THE REVIEW.  The play is funny and extremely silly...but...although Edward Hancock was very good, he was nowhere near the level of Mark Hadfield or Matthew Macfadyen.  For one thing his voice sounded very strained when he projected - as opposed to the others who knocked you out of your seat, laughing at their performances.

Highpoints - Matthew Macfadyen with a lampshade on his head and curtains held up demurely before him, pretending to be some girl (I never did really understand what was going on).  At one point he had thrown himself into a chair and was trying to vamp Bertie Wooster while wearing the lampshade - Matthew was, not Bertie.  Anyway, his body was too big for the chair and he began sliding off.  It was a great bit physical comedy, very subtle (unlike a LOT of the rest of the play)  Also, at one point he wears a dress, blonde wig and the largest pair of beige pumps I've ever seen.  You know what they say about a man with big feet... huge intellect.



Then there was the other butler, Mark Hadfield, as the incredible growing presence.  In Bertie's fevered imagination the villain played by Hadfield kept getting larger and larger.  Mr. Hadfield also brilliantly played Bertie's crazy aunt (who looked unfortunately a lot like Father Moretti, our late pastor)

(This is not from our night at the show but someone we know who was there another night)

Anyway, after the play the lady we came with wanted to wait for Matthew at the stage door so I could get his autograph, (and I hated to see the evening end) so we did.  I have to admit I loved him as Darcy in Pride and Prejudice - huge crush - but there is something so demeaning to me in waiting for an actor to get his autograph (which is just an excuse to speak with someone famous).  I tried to hide against a wall but then Matthew came out and people were insisting he sign things and have his picture taken with them.  He had a smile pasted on the whole time but he was a stranger and we were strangers and the whole thing was borderline pathetic.  I mean, would he wait for fifteen minutes to get my autograph?  I don't think so, even though my book, DARCY AND FITZWILLIAM, was chosen by Orange County California as a great summer read in 2011.  But I digress...

So, then these girls shoved their phone in my husband's face and told him to take their picture.  My husband has eye trouble so he gave me the phone and that was when I had to come out of hiding.  First of all the girls were shouting instructions to me that I didn't understand and then Matthew had to come up and show me what to do with the camera and then I pointed the phone in the wrong direction - at me - which made everyone laugh and he had to come up and explain it to me all over again.

How humiliating.  I've taken photos before with a phone but being next to a celebrity had fried my brains. I have to note that he did not have a similar reaction to speaking with me, although my book, SONS AND DAUGHTERS, DARCY AND FITZWILLIAM BOOK II, is really very good.  Chances are he hasn't read it yet.

And just as I knew it would, meeting Darcy in person didn't happen.  I met Matthew Macfadyen, a human being, a nice man, very young - about twelve - and, a man who wanted to be on his way but was too polite to say no to anyone.*****

As I said before, (well, not to you, but to someone else) it doesn't do to meet these people in person.  Something is lost, some mystery, their 'aura' is eradicated by being human.

The moment someone becomes a 'human' they have flaws; and, then the fantasy is over...


**** when I say he looks about twelve, I mean that in relation to how very, very old I am.  I may be older than his mother for heaven's sake.  I mean no disparagement to his appearance.  In person he looks younger than he does on screen, and even handsomer, if that's possible.  Without a character to play his features are relaxed and, well, lovely.

This And That Monday (Murder, Scotsmen and Selfies) and Richard Armitage

OMG - HELEN FIELDING KILLS OFF MR. DARCY

Evidently reeling from back lash caused by her new book, BRIDGET JONES, HOW I WRECKED A FRANCHISE, author Helen Fielding, dressed for Halloween as Samuel L. Jackson, has shot and killed actor Colin Firth, thereby ending the world's hopes that she rewrite her stupid storyline and resurrect Mark Darcy.  An all points bulletin has been issued for her apprehension.

Further, sources close to the investigation tell us security has now been tightened around Renee Zellweger, the actress who portrayed Bridget Jones in two very successful movies.  It is believed that since Helen Fielding has always expressed a dislike of Zellweger's portrayal of fat and frumpy Bridget, the actress may be in danger.  Fielding believes, and rightly so, that she herself should play the now much older role, even going so far as to purchase a Stella McCartney ensemble to next disguise herself as Javier Bardem.

In an interesting aside, actress Kathy Bates has issued an invitation for Fielding to join her this winter at her remote, cabin in the woods, retreat, where she has offered to break Fielding's legs, and then care for her during her recuperation...and hopeful rewrite.  We all wish Miss Bates the best with her endeavor.

**********

FUNERAL SELFIES, OR, HOW TO GET THE KIDS TO GIVE A S*** THAT GRANDMA DIED

In an effort to show that teens are not the self-centered, vapid creatures they are portrayed in film and television, Fast Company's Jason Feifer, creator of the Tumblr "Selfies at Serious Places," has provided the world with his latest masterpiece: "Selfies at Funerals."

Just in time for Christmas Cheer - these will warm your heart...

29TH OCT 2013 | 47 NOTES

29TH OCT 2013 | 78 NOTES

29TH OCT 2013 | 85 NOTES

**********

A SCOTSMAN...

A Scotsman walking through a field, sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hand.

The Scotsman man shouts ' Awa ye feel hoor thatâs full Oâ coos Sharn'

(Don't drink the water, it's full of cow s ** t.)

The man shouts back 'I'm English, Speak English, I don't understand you'.

The Scotsman man shouts back 'Use both hands, you'll get more in.'

A Scots boy came home from school and told his mother he had been given a part in the school play. "Wonderful," says the mother, "What part is it?" The boy says "I play the part of the Scottish husband!" The mother scowls and says: "Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part."

When Jock  moved to London he constantly annoyed his English acquaintances by boasting about how great Scotland was. Finally, in exasperation, one said, "Well, if Scotland's so marvelous, how come you didn't stay there?"

"Well," explained  Jock "they're all so clever up there I had to come down here to have any chance of making it at all

Jock and a Englishman were flying from Edinburgh when the stewardess approached. "May I get you something?" she asked. "Aye, a whusky" Jock replied.

She poured him a drink then asked the Englishman if he'd like one. "Never!" he said sternly. "I'd rather be raped and ravished by whores all the way to America than drink whisky!"

Jock  hurriedly passed the drink back, saying "Och, Ah didna ken there wuz a choice!"

Jock was traveling by train seated next to a stern-faced clergyman. As Jock pulled out a bottle of whisky from his pocket the clergyman glared and said reprovingly, "Look here, I am sixty-five and I have never tasted whisky in my life!"

"Dinna worry, Minister," smiled  Jock, pouring himself a dram. "There's no risk of you starting now!"

Jock once attended a Temperance lecture given by Scotland's top medical man, a noted anti-drink campaigner. The speaker began by placing a live, wriggling worm in a glass of whisky. After a moment or two it died and sank to the bottom.

The speaker said quietly to the audience, "Now my friends, what does this tell us?"

Jock piped up, "If you drink whisky you'll not be bothered by worms!"

A  very popular scotsman dies in glasgow and his old widow wishes to tell all his friends at once so she goes to the newspaper and says

"I'd like tae place an obituary fur ma late husband" The man at the desk says "OK, how much money dae ye have?"

The old woman replies "£5" to which the man says "You wont get many words for that but write something and we'll see if it's ok" so the old woman writes something and hands it over the counter and the man reads "Peter Reid, fae Parkheid, deid"

He feels guilty at the abruptness of the statement and encourages the old woman to write a few more things. The old woman ponders and then adds a few more words and hand the paper over the counter again. The man then reads "Peter Reid, fae Parkheid deid. Ford Escort for sale"

Irate golfer, on his way to a round of 150: "You must be the worst caddie in the world!"

Scottish caddie (dryly): "That would be too much of a coincidence, sir."

Jock was digging peat at his croft when a passing American tourist asks, "How much land do you have here?"

"About two acres" Jock replies.

"You know back home it takes me a day to drive around my ranch !" the American boasts.

"Aye", says Jock " I once had a car like that."

A  plane was shot down over Iraq and Saddam Hussain captured a Scotsman,an Englishman and an Australian. Saddam says "I'm not as cruel as George Bush says I am You will be given 50 lashes each but you can have whatever you want on your back"

The Australian goes first and asks for the finest Kangaroo hide there is to cover his back. This is granted and he receives the kangaroo hide before he receives 50 lashes. His back is all torn and bleeding but he survives.

The Englishman says "I will take it as it comes I will have nothing on my back and will be proud to bear the scars" he shouts defiantly"Stiff upper lip you know eh what" His wish is granted and he receives his 50 lashes, his back torn and bleeding, his ribs fractured and protruding, a terrible mess to behold.

"Now Jock It's your turn you have the same choice as the other two what would you like on your back" says Saddam.

Jock replies quickly and without hesitation "I'll have the Englishman"