Tuesday, March 26, 2013

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hlls and Gerard Butler

I have to talk about my favorite show, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills!  These are my girls, god love them and tonight was the last episode - always a trying time for me.  Let me get a carton of wine first.

Ok.  Again, who is Faye Resnick?  Does anyone know?  Is there a grotesque, aging portrait in her attic because she looks exactly the same now as she did seventy-five years ago during the OJ trial.  That's just not human.  She materialized - again - in tonight's episode, following Brandi Glanville around - again - and talking like a deranged person - again.  "You are no lady.  You cause trouble.  You are vicious.  Klaatu barada nikto."    All in this monotone voice that sounds like she should be announcing train schedules.   Very creepy.  She's like a Disney mannequin gone to the dark side, and SHE DOESN'T BLINK.  I don't think she's real - I believe she's a digital creation like Shrek.   My biggest fear is that Bravo has been trying her out for Season 4 - they need housewives since they're down one with Adrienne Maloof getting sacked (thank the lord).

Aside to Bravo Station- DON'T DO IT!  NO ONE WANTS HER!

I have an idea.  Bring back new bachelor Paul Nassif.  That would be fun - Paul was a hoot.  Maybe fix him up with Brandi next year - or Kim.  I'd pay the see that.  Or have Andy Cohen be the next housewife!  This series desperately needs a gay couple - just to show the other women how to dress.

Well, this Faye object starts to diss, in that god-awful monotone voice, her hostess, Lisa.  The thing is, it was at Lisa's house and at Lisa's party!  Who does this kind of thing? Was she raised by wolves or something?  And why didn't Lisa toss her out on her big fat rubber ass?  Faye is a Transformer and will one day unfold into something huge and metallic.  Oh, wait.  She already has.  Never mind.

Then who shows up to try and grasp a final few minutes of fame - Adrienne Maloof (Paul's now ex-wife)!  That woman has a set, doesn't she?  She arrives with a bad wig on, sobbing her heart out while facing the camera about how she is losing her kids or something in the divorce.  I couldn't understand a word, really.   And she didn't bother to find Lisa, just bitched in her talking head segment that Lisa should have come and found her - she was too distraught to go into the party.  Who goes to someone's house especially to (one) rob the spotlight from the couple whose party you just crashed; and, (two) be in front of cameras when your life is falling apart?  Very strange people.

Then there was Taylor Armstrong...being Taylor Armstrong.

And Yolanda Foster, here with her creepy husband, Paul I think is his name.  He writes songs that he won't let anyone sing without his prior approval.   Finally starting to like Yolanda - hope she returns and starts to drink a little.

We had the obligatory Kyle vs. Kim smack down.  Kyle is upset that Brandi 'hurt' Adrienne (BTW, the big secret that started all the fuss this season was that Adrienne had her twins through surrogacy), but can't understand why her sister is 'hurt' that Kyle isn't upset about when Brandi 'hurt' Kim  (BTW Brandi 'hurt' Kim by saying she was an addict.  Kim has since survived rehab).

I hate this part of the show.  It is so sad to see Kim desperately try to get her sister Kyle to give a shit about her.  I know how she feels with some of my relatives. VERY glad I have a brother.

Then there was an obviously scripted bit in Lisa's bedroom with Brandi coming in to tell Lisa to man up and not let the crazies (read Faye and Kyle) get her down.  I mean, really, Lisa - Ken is a doll and you were going to disappoint him because of the twin Krakens, Kyle and Faye?  Not for a minute did I believe that.   Well,  Lisa teared up and Brandi teared up and I teared up. I loved it.

Except for the hokey heart shaped flower thing Ken and Lisa stood in front of for their vow renewal.  (Amazing that women with SO much money have no taste whatsoever!)

The 30 year vow renewal was very moving, had me actually crying and even my husband was sniffling.  I really like Lisa's husband Ken, and I like their British humor and the fact that they were both so stiff upper lip there in front of everyone, said their vows and then shoved cake in each other's face.  Just like a normal couple.

Of course, the very best thing this season, as in all previous seasons, is Lisa's dog, Jiggy (he's always in Ken's arms - love a guy who loves dogs).  I want that dog.  And what about Gerard Butler!!!  Finally acknowledging that he had sex with Brandi in a random hook-up at a beach party when she was lost and vulnerable and freshly hurting from losing her husband to that tramp Leanne Rymes.  Now that Brandi is getting famous - Gerard remembers her!  God bless him.  He even admits know that he knows Jiggy!

Can't wait till next season.  Coming up - THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ORANGE COUNTY.

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