Monday, November 26, 2012

The Tragic Downhill Spiral of Barbie's Life

Barbie does Henry Cavill
her very last film

You knew it had to happen, didn't you?  Fame came too young to this blonde beauty.  Remember the beginning, though.  She was fresh as a daisy and lookin' perky in her striped swimsuit and her Lucille Ball crazy hair.  What a knockout - a figure to die for, a perfect 13.5 cm bust, 8.5 cm waist and 12.5 cm hips.  NO amount of exercising could achieve that - that, my friend, is a gift from the Matel Gods.  I loved her.  We all loved her...

She never wanted for a thing, never had to work for it either.  She had the house, the car, the malibu pad, the  perfect boyfriend.  The first signs of rebellion came, as usual, when she entered college...

Shocking, isn't it?  Removed from the scrutiny of the Paparazzi, free to do as she wanted, the girl went wild!  There was nothing she wouldn't do - and twice!  

It wasn't long before the partying took over her life. She quit school and  took a job as the dominatrix at a local dude ranch, The Good, The Bad, and the Fully Bonded.  It was steady work and she was able to feed her organic polymer fix.  Yes, that's right, she was a synthetic junkie!  

There was body piercing

She began pole dancing in Nudie clubs

It was her appearance in this calendar as Miss September that caught the eye of a disreputable Hollywood porn producer 

Ben Dover
(Yes,THE Ben Dover)

Her films were legendary - Barbie Does Caligula, 
Barbie does New Hampshire, 
Emmanuel Does Toys R Us,  
Barbie and Emmanuel Do Toys R Us, 
Toys R Us and New Hampshire does Barbie and Emmanuel,
The East Coast and Parts of Iowa Do Emmanuel, Barbie and Randy Spears


Barbie finally had enough - with age came maturity.  She settled down somewhere in Florida with her Ken (real name Buford)  Barbs and Buford had seven children (her last was a plastic key ring that nearly killed her)

Barbie today at 53

No comments: